From Region's Best to Luzon's Best: My first attempt at joining pressconferences and contests
Ten years ago, I had a paper, a pen, and dream imbued in a prayer.
It was
around this time of year, a decade ago, when I stood in a normal flag ceremony,
cheeks stretched in innocent smiles as I clapped for my classmates who triumphantly
returned from their DSPC competitions. it was at that moment when I discovered
a world where the simple act of putting words into paper can be more —
more than innocent imaginations of distant lands or the menial task of writing
the things that happened or the things unnoticed by most.
Standing
there sparked a kindling of fire towards an interest to learn how to tame a
"talent" that sprouted from writing proses and diary entries in blank
pages of storybooks and half-used notebooks.
Truthfully,
in recent years, I have forgotten how long I have carried this dream in me. I
thought it was something that started when I joined my first student
publication, The Junior Toil, four years ago—but it was a bit more ancient than
that.
Somehow, in the years that bled, when it all began became a blur, for keeping a dream for a long while is a hard-bent lesson on appreciating the word “patience.” Sometimes, the dream feels light as air when it is shining like hope, most times, it transforms into a burden that wears you down with negative whispered thoughts.
When I
first learned that I was to join my first Regional Higher Education Press
Conference on my third year as a college student, the first reaction was not of
a girl whose prayers have been answered, for the girl who received the news was
already broken down by multiple trial-by-fire kind of storms that stole her
ability to spark fiery passages with her quill. Some time, in January, I was
rendered speechless in my ability to write.
So
initially, I doubted. I feared. I failed to remember how long I have hoped for
this opportunity.
A week
before my first Feature Writing and Copyreading and Headline Writing
competitions, I found myself madly weeping and sleepless after long hours of
school. The greatest battle I had to win over was not the competition- but the
negative thoughts swirling in my head, trying to whisper "You're not cut
out for this. You're not going to place. You're not as good as everybody else.
Baguhan ka pa lang. You have little to no experience."
The fact
that this is my first time to join the competition enraged the doubts in my
head- doubts that my hopes and my prayers fought fearlessly to quell before I
stepped in the hall.
There,
in the empty comfort rooms of the JNV hotel, were the spaces where I fought
these thoughts in prayers, until all I had in my head was hope.
"All I need to do is carve my heart out on that paper, and no matter what happens, whether I win or lose, I know that I will not be less loved, or less favored, because I tried." This was the final thought in my head before I headed in my first competition, blood pumping with caffeine and chocolate drinks, hands shaking, but a heart that knew a kind of steady peace.
And before I knew it, I was writing about a piece of me- a piece of meat, actually, carved from the memory of my grandparent's kitchen. it was a leap of faith—to choose a topic that was out of this region, to choose something that I knew would make me stand out of that room, and before I knew it, serving a piece of Kiniing as my feature article won me my first gold.
Ten years of dreaming and pining and yearning built up that moment of unexplainable joy when I emerged as the champion for my first feature writing competition.
The girl who climbed the podium to receive the first-place award for Feature Writing English and the 5th place award for Copyreading was all her— the Krystel from a decade ago who dreamed.
While I thought I have crossed the finish line, the line transformed itself into the beginning of another race, as if God were saying He is not yet finished.
A few weeks after my first competition, I was ushered into a new ground- the 28th Word Cup Philippines.
Joining three categories for the 28th Word Cup Philippines with only a few weeks preparation was something that I never planned for myself as I was suddenly chosen to join. Feature Writing and Copyreading were events where I have had triumphed before, while Mobile Journalism is an entirely different field that I haven’t touched, nor practiced for. Worse, the stakes were higher as the field is open for student journalists across the country, and my mind and my body were both exhausted from trying to juggle multiple responsibilities in the air while balancing on a balancing beam like a fool.
In truth, I have wrestled with the tired and battered version of me so that I could put my foot forward and push through with this competition, even if I knew that hoping for a placement feels like hoping for another impossible miracle. My prayers were certainly centered about asking God to keep me awake awake awake and alive because the days prior to this competition were full of sleepless nights and marathons all over our school.
All I needed to do was show up and listen and perform my best despite every other miserable thing that tries to rob me of the glimmer and the hopes that I have. And for some reason, I again, walked out of another competition with three victories added to the collection I didn’t even know I was growing.
Unexpectedly, I won a silver for Feature Writing, a bronze for Mobile Journalism (which is a surprise, btw, coz I didn’t actually know what I was doing the entire time), and an honorary mention for Copyreading and Headline Writing.
Two competitions down and I already felt like I have reached the heights in the clouds, and while I was preparing my gears for the biggest competition of my life, the Luzonwide Higher Education Press Conference, I already resigned my heart into accepting that landing a seat for this competition is already enough. Or so I thought.
In my
wildest dreams when I was younger, I thought that if I were to join this
prestigious competition, I would’ve honed my skills and enter it with full
armor, equipped from head to toe with all the tricks up my sleeves. And yet,
despite the accolades that I have gained from the past stops, I still felt
unequivocally small as I stepped in the hall filled by the best feature writers
from all over Luzon.
"I
just want to curl myself into a ball- into the smallest version of myself and
settle underneath Your feet, that I may revel in the greatness of who You are,
and praise You with all of my smallness, because the only thing that is great
in me is You."
Before
stepping into this final competition, this was the prayer in my heart. ‘Tis but
a whispered plea out of my rattled soul—all frustrated and grieving and
yearning the losses of what could've beens, of missed trainings, of tired
sleepless nights, of lost chances, and of lost time. In the chaos of
everything, all I yearned for is the kind of peace that could settle the
darkest storms in me—the kindest peace only His love and grace could ever
supply.
With
this, I have learned the beauty of stepping back, of surrender, of learning to
strip away the hardest thing to ever give- the peace of giving your complete
trust and being to the One who knows everything. Whatever I had in me before
stepping into the battlefield against Luzon's best feature writers— all the
grief and chaos and nervousness and the joy of just being there— I laid them
all at His feet, completely trusting that despite whatever result the days may
bring, I have the peace of knowing that my victory lies in knowing who He is in
me, in reveling in the victory He has already bestowed me.
The
morning before the competition was the most blissful calm I have ever had—no
pounding pressure crowded my thoughts, no pounding heartbeats echoed in my
ears- just the calmness of the voices of worshipers singing in my ears. even
before, I have written in my little notebook that the story I carry in the
warmest hearth of Tuguegarao is not solely mine—it is His. I knew then I was
covered, and that is all I ever needed. But my humanness could still now escape
the tiny voices that whispers "I am not cut out for this."
Inside
the contest room I had the pleasure of sitting amongst champions from the
different regions of Luzon- all carrying prayers of their own, pens carving out
stories as they strive for their own victories. Before the lecture even began,
the hardest pressure came when the attendance sheet was passed over, and my
name was at the top of the list. Krystel D. Paplonot, Region 1, RHEPC rank: 1,
control no.: FWE1. The last coloumn was an empty spot, my LHEPC Rank; still
unknown, awaiting the results of what will come out of the feature article I
have yet to write. (Sa totoo lang, feel ko nun parang inaabuso ko na ang
numerong Uno nung iniisip ko pang hilingin na sana mag-uno ulit ako, kaya
dinaan ko talaga sa pagbibiro ang panalangin ko.)
All the
numbers next to my name were no. 1 and at that time, I knew yearning or wanting
for that number to be at the finish line of this race is close to an
impossibility. I knew what happened before I stepped in that room- the little
to no trainings I had, I knew all too well the only ammunition I had prepared
were my prayers and a stack of diary entries that served as my little training
ground for creating narratives and painting vivid imagery with my words. And
so, as I wrote my signature on that paper and stared at the empty space next to
my LHEPC rank, I fondly made a simple request with God in my head.
"It would be an awesome caption to write: "From Region 1's best to Luzon's best" in my fb post after the competition hahahaha. Astig siguro yun Lord."
And all
my whispered prayers never fell into deaf ears because He listened and He
delivered and my God I am suddenly overwhelmed and I still pinch myself over
and over because of how this was such a powerful testimony to behold. Even the
quietest requests I fondly make did not escape His notice, even the words I
utter in all my frustrations are spaces of lessons He so gently gives back in
waves of scenarios where I get to experience and learn from His love.
To this day, I still pinch myself to check if I was not lost in the haze of the most blissful dream. Clinching the top 1 spot during the Region 1 RHEPC was a steep dream— that award was already it for me. When I walked through the doors of LHEPC, I walked in with a heart that wasn't too set out for another gold medal because to me, a seat amongst Luzon's best feature writers is an achievement. As the emcee called out the winners, all I remember was my heart dropping towards my stomach, a mixture of anticipation to hear it called on the bottom 6-10 spots. When I was called last for first place, I couldn't express the joy and the bliss I felt when I walked towards ma'am Mabel at the top 1 podium— it was everything I never imagined and more than everything I could have ever prayed for.
Looking back, every year that passed forged a heart that became strong enough to bear the greatness of these gifts—of these fruits sown from a decade ago, bloomed by grace, nurtured by faith, and reaped with joy. This was truly infinitely more than what I feared, and so much more than what I have initially hoped for.
Words of
gratitude:
All
these are made possible because of the people who sustained and fanned the fire
in me to keep burning.
To my
dear parents, mama and papa, thank you for everything that you have sacrificed
so that I could have opportunities like these. With you, my dreams are safe and
sound.
To my
MLUC Voice advisers and coaches, Ma’am Mabelle, Sir Jericho, Sir PJ, Ma’am
Sheena, Ma’am Dannilyn, Sir RJ, Ma’am Kassie, and Sir Lean, thank you for
believing in me, thank you for showering me with these opportunities, and thank
you for all the lessons that helped me improve.
To my MV
fam, to mhie Yvan and dhie Zic, and tina, ate gwy, chen, kuya jd, kuya phoebus,
ate yra, chen, jc, sam, prince, jasmine, kuya dodie, mike, ate czy, dave, elie,
kuya jay, jireh, kuya nikko, rhea, rheata, and everyone else man na hindi ko
namention- thank you for making my press con journeys feel like home. Every bit
of stress was less endured with all of you by my side. I am proud of each and
everyone of you, and I am honored to share this journey with ya’ll.
To my MV
alums, ate hannah, kuya mar, kuya robin, ate rhy, kuya Adrian, and to ate lyn
and kuya janus and ate blessy na nagpamana sa akin ng kanilang titulo, thank
you for inspiring me and adopting me in my first year sa MV.
To my
friends, my six musketeers, hannah, dani, jasmine, jp, tina, you guys are the
best support systems ever! thank you for being there for me even in every way.
To my
family, my proud lolos and lolas and aunties and uncles, thank you for always
cheering for me and urging me to reach for higher heights.
To my
Pagdalagan Wesleyan Fam, thank you for praying for me, thank you for being a
safe place for my faith to grow.
And to
everyone who’s always been sharing my joy, to everyone who’s been showering me
with felicitations and congratulations in the posts that I have been sharing,
thank you so much for celebrating with me, and thank you so much for
remembering me.
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